Stuck in Resistance Again

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Being stuck is part of a writer’s world.  I’ve been there more than once but this most recent “stuck place” is about resistance. A writing mentor said that procrastination is really about fear. She then asked, “Why do you write?” Her question and my pondering on what I might be afraid of,  prompted me to review the Writers Manifesto I wrote last year based on the Lord’s Prayer. The bold print of that manifesto jumped out at me this morning.

God in Heaven, You are Awesome and Glorious. You are Holy, True and Faithful.  

God, Your purpose is to bring Heaven to earth.

You feed those who are hungry for the Bread of Life.

Thank you for your mercy and kindness. You understand when I fall short of my goals.

You forgive me for my lack of focus and fear of failure. Help me to be just as merciful and kind to others and myself Oh, Lord.

Help me to be faithful to You Oh Lord and to the promises in this Manifesto.

What I write and accomplish by Your will is important in advancing Your Kingdom

Because of that, I can expect the enemy to throw darts my way.

Anything the enemy throws in front of me is crushed by your mighty power because YOU are with me and for me.

In confident expectation, I daily bow before You Lord and wait for Your Divine Writing Assignment.

            Last night I asked Holy Spirit for direction. This morning, the dam cracked open and God revealed the source of my fear and resistance. As usual, when hard truths are spoken or written, I fear other people’s reaction or response. God says, “Write it anyway.”

            I’ve been resisting a project for over six months. I tried to convince myself, or maybe that was a dart from the enemy, that by the time I write the book, it will be old news. God says, “Write it anyway.” Then the debate, “But God, there are probably too many books covering this topic already.” Holy Spirit whispers, “Write it anyway.”

            The fear and resistance kept me stuck for over two weeks. Today I am outlining my new project. God is downloading ideas and possibilities and I’m writing again.

          Resistance and procrastination are about fear of the results, reactions, and the whole huge mess of it all. Yet, that is what writers do. They write the hard stuff sometimes. They often say things that others won’t. They tell the truth and the truth sets people free.

            Why do I write? I want God to use me. I want to be the stroke of the pen in the Master’s Hand. I want to feed those who are hungry for the Bread of Life and advance the Kingdom of God. I want to have the courage, stamina and perseverance to co-labor with God to do the hard thing—I want to bring Heaven to Earth.

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2 thoughts on “Stuck in Resistance Again

  1. For a couple of articles, recently, it has seemed to me that you’re still trying to figure things out. Rather than just saying, “Yes!” to God. This annoys me a little bit. (Hmm…I wonder why?) I am surprised. I expect better from you. (Uh, oh! I’m wondering why, again.)

    Then I cannot help but wonder how often this happens to me, or how often I am denying it. How much of myself do I project onto you and your reactions, denying – strongly – such things in myself. I notice I am a little afraid. I am afraid I might all too easily become more afraid, so I avoid this.

    How many projects do I deny because of such things? I’m really not sure. Then I’m pretty sure that there are none. It’s just you, and not me. Doubt creeps in, like water soaking through an upper floor, soaking the ceiling below, before continuing to drip onto the floor “I” am on. Hmm…and I think my face might look like a certain cat I remember….

    I hope it’s you and not me. Not that I want this for you, I just do not want it for myself. So I think I must pray and ask Holy Spirit how I’m doing and is there anything I should know or do. Then I notice I am being selfish, and I had not even thought of praying for you.

    So here I am…stuck. Stuck again. Hounded in by doubt; being rounded up and squeezed into a small space like a young horse being rounded up before being trained. So training can commence. Hmm…. There goes that look on my face again. I will not look into a mirror when I feel that face. Yeah, that one – not this one! But I can feel it all too well, I know that cat face of unbelief and non-trust is right there, hanging tightly onto the front of my head. Squeezing, just enough to be felt more than is normal for my face.

    So now I know. I must ask our Lord for you and for me. Holy Spirit, what do you want Cindy and I to know? What do you want each of us to do?

    I hope Jesus is here to comfort me when I hear from Holy Spirit. Is near. Of course, Immanuel is close. And Holy Spirit is not only a teacher and guide, but also is Comforter. So I wonder, why am I a little afraid?

    I expect to find out, soon enough. Maybe right away. Maybe in the morning. We’ll see.

    Lord, thank you for your wisdom, guidance and help – for Cindy. For myself, too. It’s about time that I asked. I know this. But I am a little glad, it didn’t take me weeks or even days to ask. Maybe I am remembering sooner? Or being drawn forth, and reminded? Either way, I am comforted. And I know wisdom is on the way.

    Thank you, Lord, for being so generous and never stingy with your wisdom! Amen.

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  2. Beautifully expressed, David. Thank you!

    Like

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